Octopus Punch Bowl - I haven't forgotten about this punch bowl since I saw it at Bellocq in New Orleans a couple years ago, and then Imbibe magazine had a picture of it in their November 2013 issue. It's available on the VagabondHouse website (for a mere $2640) along with a whole bunch of other cool octopus stuff.
Cynthia Rowley Flask Bangle - For a mere $365 you can have a bracelet you can drink out of. It's so obvious that nobody would think to check your jewelry for contraband liquor at any event for which a giant bulbous gold or silver bracelet wouldn't be out of place (I'm thinking that football games might not be a smart choice).
Bev-Cam Flask - Hide your booze in a fake digital camera, since you only use your phone for photos anyway. It holds 5 ounces, which is better than most. And it costs $14.97. Buy it here.
Tampon Flasks - Hey, you have a niece in college, right? That's about the only person for which this would be an acceptable gift, and even still, no. More info on Amazon here.
Tumi Mixology Backpack - I don't suppose there is any bartender or liquor carrying case that is perfect for everyone. I've yet to see one that was perfect even just for me. But this fancy ($695) backpack from Tumi is rather glam. You can get one at the Tumi site here.
Le Nez Du Whisky - This kit is only ridiculous for its price ($399) because it seems super awesome. It contains 54 aromas commonly found in whisky, developed by expert and author Charles MacLean. The aromas are: Blackcurrant Bud, Geramium, Honey, Rose, Tabacco leaf, Hay, Green grass, Pineapple, Cherry, Peach, Pear, Apple, Lemon, Mandarin, Orange, Pomelo, Dried fig, Walnut, Prune, Oak, Resinous, Sherry, Toasted almond, Toasted hazelnut, Coconut, Caramel, Chocolate, Custard, Vanilla, Anise, Cinnamon, Ginger, Herbs, Mint, Nutmeg, Allspice, Black pepper, Liquorice, Earthy, Biscuit, Coffee, Toast, Malt, Butter, Leather, Broiled meat, Smoke, Peat, Seaweed, Seashell, Medicinal, Rubber, Tar, Sulfur. Get one here.
Coastermatic Coasters - Make coasters from your Instagram photos. Link here.
Vermouth Refrigerator - Okay technically it's a wine refrigerator, but it would be so much cooler if you only used it for vermouth, don't you think? Free shipping from Amazon here.