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Camper English: Penthouse Model

In the June issue of Penthouse, I have a travel story about my trip with Dos Equis to Playa Del Carmen. You can read the original posts here on Alcademics in part one, part two, and part three.  

I've written for Penthouse previously, but this is the first time I've appeared in its pages as a super sexy model. Check me out!

Hot stuff, right? 

Suggested Absolut Vodka Flavors for San Francisco Neighborhoods

Like any city, San Francisco is made up of many unique neighborhoods with people who self-identify to those particular neighborhoods. As we know, Absolut vodka has chosen San Francisco for the next city edition of the vodka: Absolut SF, but do its flavors of grape, dragon berry, and papaya really express the flavors of the city?

I suppose it depends on which part of the city. Thus, I have created a list of: 

Suggested Absolut Vodka Flavors for San Francisco's Neighborhoods.

Absolut Mission: Guacamole and Roasted Coffee

Absolut Noe Valley: Baby Powder and New Car Smell

Absolut Sunset: Surf Wax and Sweet & Sour Chicken

Absolut Haight: Hemp and Incense

Absolut Castro: Banana and Latex

Absolut The Fillmore: Exhaust Fumes and Cigarettes

Absolut Pacific Heights: Fresh Baked Bread and Hedge Clippings

Absolut Presidio: Eucalyptus and Asphalt

Absolut Marina: Axe Body Spray and Peroxide

Absolut Richmond: (unflavored)

Absolut SOMA: Urine and Concrete

Absolut North Beach: Tomato Sauce and Brass Polish

 

Any other suggestions?

A Thousand Year Old Drunken Regret Letter

For my book club I read the book Foreign Devils on the Silk Road by Peter Hopkirk. It's about European explorers finding and raiding the artwork of abandonded and sand-buried cities along the silk road.

In a chapter on finding a hidden library of ancient scrolls at Tun-huang, the author notes (page 175) that they found "a thousand-year-old 'model' letter of apology in Chinese designed for inebriated guests to send to their hosts."

I think you'll find it's still useful today.

Here's the translation:

'Yesterday, having drunk too much, I was so intoxicated as to pass all bounds; but none of the rude and coarse language I used was uttered in a conscious state. The next morning, after hearing others speak on the subject, I realized what had happened, whereupon I was overwhelmed with confusion and ready to sink into the ground with shame...'

The letter adds that the writer will soon come to apologize in person for his transgression. A suitable reply for the outraged hosted is suggested, which Giles translates thus:

'Yesterday, Sir, while in your cups, you so far overstepped the observances of polite society as to forfeit the name of gentleman, and made me wish to have nothing more to do with you. But since you now express your shame and regret for what has occured, I would suggest that we meet again for a friendly talk...'

Sounds like something I've heard from a bartender or two in this millennium. 

A Better Use for Peeps Than Eating Them

A couple years ago I made Peep straws. Here's the original post.

It's Easter Egg (Ice) Time Again

Here's the Easter Ice project from a couple years ago that I'm reposting. Go here to learn how to make it.

The Honey Badger Shot

I've been thinking for a while now that the hilarious Honey Badger video, and the honey badger itself, should be honored with a cocktail or a shot.

So I created one.

The Honey Badger
by Camper English 

1 part Laphraoig single-malt scotch whisky
1 part Wild Turkey American Honey

Add scotch then honey liqueur to a shot glass. Say "Honey badger don't care," then down the shot.

The drink is sweet coming in, but nice and smoky on the finish. It's kind of delicious.

If you haven't had the pleasure of viewing "The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger" video, then by all means do. You'll understand why the honey badger deserves a toast. The audio is NSFW, not safe for work.

 

If you enjoyed this post, perhaps you'd also like to see the Double Rainbow Cocktail?

Is This The Best Blue Cocktail Ever?

SF Event: Drinks of the Eighties at Heaven's Dog this Saturday

From 9-1 this Saturday February 26th, Heaven's Dog in San Francisco will be serving a special menu of drinks from the 1980s. Naturally they'll be given upgrades in the Heaven's Dog style with bitters, organic citrus, and better liquor than you  had the first time around.

Below is the menu, but rumor has it they've managed to located some Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers too. 

Now excuse me while I rumage through my closet for my Members Only jacket to wear to the event.

COCKTAILS AND DREAMS

HEAVENS DOG SALUTES THE 80’S AND THE DRINKS YOU LOVE TO HATE

 

SLOW COMFORTABLE SCREW

House SoCo (Peach infused Old Bardstown Bourbon), Plymouth Sloe gin, Plymouth gin, organic orange juice

PINK DAQUIRI JELLO SHOTS

  Lime, El Dorado rum, Peychaud’s bitters

TEQUILA SUNRISE

There was a time when Kurt Russel and the Tequila Sunrise reigned supreme.

Herencia Tequila, organic orange juice, lime, cassis

BIRTHDAY CAKE SHOTS

Madagascar vanilla bean infused vodka, Frangelico, sugared lemon

LONG ISLAND ICE TEA

A four bottle free pour of all of the white spirits, lemon, sugar, cola

KAMIKAZE

Vodka, lime, Cointreau (sub gin and bitters on request)

PINK SQUIRREL

Jennifer’s pink crème de noyeau and crème de cacao shaken with cream

FROZEN STRAWBERRY MARGARITA

Now we finally have an answer to “what kind of margarita’s do you have”  why organic strawberries with lime and Herencia blanco of course.